The chronology of a group meeting: Slaughter of the lambs
“A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted.”
---James T. Kirk
“Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything.”---John Kenneth Galbraith
By definition
- A group is a collection of individuals usually working towards some common goal.
- Meeting is when two or more people come together to discuss some common topics.
BUT
- Group meeting= A state of total chaos prevailing among a motley set of individuals
At least in context of the official group meetings the writers of this blog have been privy to.
Monday
Monday
Group mail to all the group members to be present for the impending group meeting to be held after 3 days on Friday at 4.00 pm. All are curtly told to be present. A court summon is less bluntly worded.
AGENDA of the meeting: Slaughter of the lambs
The first member a.k.a lamb who reads the dreaded mail, either verbally or with the aid of Blackberry, Nokia, Airtel, Aircell et al. informs all and sundry before they have a chance to access their Google or Yahoo accounts.
Being the first one to inform others of the impending doom somehow instills a sadistic pleasure in the lamb.
Being the first one to inform others of the impending doom somehow instills a sadistic pleasure in the lamb.
The news is greeted by nervous giggles and a bit of anger, disappointment, anticipation, nervousness, disgust, disbelief and resignation.
Tuesday-Wednesday
What could possibly be the meeting for? More than 10 impromptu meetings to understand the implications of the impending meeting are held among the members.
Many of them have confided among each other that they have felt like sacrificial lambs during this period of uncertainty.
The tension is at its zenith and the confidence of the group at its nadir. Everyone is on a razor's edge. Racking their brain to answer the dreaded questions from the supreme one
How can you justify your salary?
Friday the D-day
An uneasy calm prevails. The clock is ticking towards the designated hour.
At 4.00 pm sharp the conference room is full of the silent lambs waiting for the supreme one to arrive. In a circular huddle sit the lambs as if awaiting the last supper. The clock keeps ticking. Already it is half an hour late. The tension is unbearable. The gloomy silence is shattered by the sound of the conference room door which opens to reveal the forbearing presence of the supreme one.
The gaze of the supreme one shifts from one lamb to the next. No lamb has the audacity to gaze back.
Lamb after lamb is bombarded with questions about their progress since the last meeting.
Why are you not working hard?
How can you sleep in the night having neglected your work?
The lambs are rattled by the SATANIC VERSES delivered in a waspish drone. A few bleat incoherently to no avail. They are unable to give any reasonable reply to the barrage of questions. Heads hang shamefully.
No one has the courage to stare adversity in the eye.
Slowly adversity surveys the room full of the living dead for any slight reaction. Detecting none adversity focusses on a random prey and orders the unlucky lamb that it has to prepare for a group presentation on XXXX topic. The venue and time for this presentation is decided.
The prey who has to present is immobile, as if mesmerized by the sheer weight of the responsibility of presenting in front of the group. The rest of the lambs are relieved that at least for the time being they are safe.
Each group meeting ends with the sacrifice of at least one lamb. The rest of the lambs live to fight for yet another day. Little do they realize that it is only a matter of time before that are consumed by the insatiable appetite of the CHOSEN ONE.
Cups of tea are served as the curtain falls
Cups of tea are served as the curtain falls
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