Some Animal Jokes

                        

                               Some Animal jokes

A PARROT IN THE AIRPLANE

A man travelling in an aircraft is surprised to find a parrot strapped to the seat next to his.  After some time, the guy signals to the air-hostess and orders a coffee. At the same time, the parrot tells her curtly, “one double scotch on the rocks, now...”  . The stewardess rushes back with the bird’s drink and forgets the coffee. The man somehow retains his composure and again requests for coffee. Meanwhile, the insolent bird gulps his drink and snaps, “ get me another drink and make it quick”. The stewardess returns with the bird’s drink pronto, again ignoring the man altogether. Infuriated, the guy decides to mimic the parrot and snarls, “ you #@*&^, get me a scotch, right away.” Within moments, an oversized co-pilot comes out of the cockpit and throws both the man and the parrot out of the plane.

        While both are falling down, the parrot turns to the man and says “ bravo, you are quite a lippy  for someone who can’t fly...”

THE LADY & THE PARROT

A lady going to work passes by a pet store and sees a parrot on its perch. She stops to admire it at close quarters and the bird  shouts   "Hey lady, you are so ugly.” Taken aback, she goes away. While returning back from work, she encounters the parrot again. The bird acknowledges the lady and shoots, “ Hey lady, you are so ugly.” Incredibly upset, she goes home. Next day the event repeats itself when she goes  near the  pet store. Infuriated, she walks in the store and gives the store manager a piece of her mind threatening to take legal recourse if the parrot passes snide remarks again.  The manager apologises and assures that the bird will behave itself. The third day, she strolls by the store only to be stared at by the parrot with its beady little eyes. The parrot says “Hey, lady.” She waits for more, but he is quiet. She prods, “Yes, go on.” The avian parades around cockily and says ”You already know.”

MAD COW DISEASE

Two cows are grazing in a field when one asks the other “Hey, aren’t you afraid of the mad cow disease?”

“Me? Nope, because I am a horse,” replies the other.

INFURIATING CAT

A man absolutely detests his wife’s pet cat. Wanting to get rid of the feline, he drives the cat in  his car about 40 blocks away and leaves it there. Whistling happily he drives back home, only to find the animal happily curled up in his wife’s arms.

       The next time round, he drives the animal a few miles away in his car and lets it go. When he is getting back home, he sees the cat on the driveway. The process repeats itself with the animal somehow outdoing the man.

      Finally, he drives the cat in his car for several miles, taking left then right turn, going over and under the bridge to a place from where he thinks the beast will not find his way home. After dropping of the cat, he heads home.

       After a few hours, his wife gets a call from him “ Maria, is the cat home?”

“Yes, why do you ask,” she questions.

“Put the damn cat on the phone, I want directions,” the man replies.